You plan the date. But you better do it my way.

So we have been having too many fights and arguments lately.

Mostly obviously because of me and my OCD which are exacerbated because of his excessive phone calls and lack of ‘us’ time.

We never eat together because I eat at 7 PM and he eats anywhere between 9 to 11 PM. We don’t watch any movies together because one of us invariably falls asleep. We hardly spend anytime doing anything else together because I am in the kitchen and he is with his parents. And to top it off, there is the social media where gorgeous couples are showering all the love and affection they have for each other on my feed.

So I asked him sincerely, let’s plan a date night. Just you and me. No parents please. Just food for the two of us, so we don’t have to do too much kitchen work. And simple food. Made easily and quickly. And let’s spend the time with each other.

He said yes. And then never brought it up again. I thought to myself that why should I want a date night. If he doesn’t want to do anything together, then let’s just put a pin on it. Why should I be the one to try and put in the hard work when he doesn’t give a rats ass.

Then a day passed and he did something to make me mad (I am 88% sure it was something along the lines of going and sitting with his parents). So I yelled at him “If you don’t figure out a day for a date night and tell your parents that they are not allowed to come in and if you don’t do everything on that day to make it a date night, then that’s it. We are done. I want an answer by tonight!”. And I slammed a few imaginary doors in my head.

Then he opened his eyes and perhaps his mind and started planning for the date night. Later when I was again in love with him and not hating the hair on his head, I told him, let’s keep it simple. Let’s do simple dal chawal aloo sabzi. So you don’t have to spend too much time in the kitchen and we can actually spend the date night together doing something that we want to do without your parent’s interference. It could be talking, or just watching or snogging or maybe painting. We could even consider playing PS4. Anything. Just us.

And then the day arrived. Now I know my husband for a long long time. I know he doesn’t quite get the concept of surprise or perhaps even understand what I will really appreciate. And I have given up on that. So for a long time now, I make my own surprises - plan my cakes, my gifts, my birthdays. Because asking someone else to do it and then feeling disappointed because you couldn’t keep your expectations under check is worse than doing it yourself. After all, you are incharge of your own happiness. So after 2.5 yrs of married life, I wasn’t expecting anything out of the blue.

It was a usual quarantined day. He woke up. Went to meet his parents. I woke up to an empty bed. Drank our tea separately. He came. We fought a little. I immersed myself into the kitchen. Before we could have lunch and I could shower, his mom came and sat in the hall with all her food. We fought some more. He discussed with his mom how he was going to make Biryani. She gave him tips. They discussed the recipe. And I was in my room.

Then he comes in, and asks me can I make it for everybody or just the two of us? I mean seriously. What kind of question is this. Obviously you should make it for everyone, it’s a date night they should all enjoy date night food right?

His mom left. We were both in a good mood. I almost convinced him that let’s just make dal chawal aloo sabzi and call it a day (in the kitchen!). No need to make anything else, biryani will take too long. We will make it together.

Now I had many reasons behind stressing on Dal Chawal Aloo Sabzi

1. It’s his favourite meal.

2. It would be easy and less time consuming.

3. He would know how to make simple ghar ka khaana which can come in very handy.

4. We would have time for everything else.

He agreed and said yea, I don’t want to work too much, we will make Biryani together some other day. Then he goes to his parents house (sigh!) and after 1 hour I receive a call. Do we have curd? Do we have paneer? I have decided to make biryani. All the veggies are cut.

Me on the other line. Great! So now he is going to spend 4 hours in the kitchen. Make food for everyone and I will be standing behind him in that sweltering kitchen. But I wasn’t going to say no.

So he made the paneer biryani. And it was fantastic. Absolutely delicious. And I was so proud of him for making it. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t call this a date night.

He didn’t do a single romantic thing. We didn’t even have the entire meal together. When I was eating, he had to go and give the leftover biryani to his parents. He spent 7 minutes there and my food was half done. Then we started a movie and his mom rang the bell. Can you really call this a date night?

What happened to a few candles? Some ‘us’ time? Setting the table? Dimming the lights? I guess married people cannot experience this right. It’s for the instagram couples and their pictures.

I mean what should I have done to make this better?

Should I have invited his parents over?

Should I have specified exactly what I wanted? Like told him I wanted 1 candle and a meal together and perhaps also specified the time?

Told him I wanted him to wear a shirt? Maybe wash his face? And use some fancy cutlery?

Well it doesn’t matter. Date night is over. There is nothing more to say I guess. When you are in a joint family, there is no such thing as a date night I guess.

But I shouldn’t be too upset. I know people who have it worse than me. Atleast I get enough alone time to have a date night with myself. And no matter what, the husband is a sweetheart and he did make a delicious Paneer Biryani.