The veiled loneliness in "family"

To whoever who can't stop assimilating with their in-laws, please don't read this. The intention is not to trigger you happy go lucky souls.

I have been married for 8 years now (I think! - really don't want to do any calculations at this point). I have lived with my in-laws under the same roof for the last 2.5 years. And the other 4.5 years I was living across a wall for them. Whoever said festivals are more fun with family members or to whoever said you can never get bored living with family, I really don't think they have ever lived with someone else's family.

It is the most heart breaking and lonely experience of my existence up till now. I would like to narrate my Sunday to you. We did a nice lunch with my husband's friend and his wife. Went for coffee and came back around 7:30 PM. Once we were back home, I prepped for my daughter's food and my husband was working on his phone while lying on the bed. Then I spent some time with my daughter and her paid help. Then I prepped dinner for myself. My husband continued to work, then ordered some home delivery for his parents and himself. Then he had dinner with his parents. Then he went for a walk with his dad. Then he spent around 2 hours or more with his parents in their bedroom. I on the other hand, did my nighttime routine with my daughter. Made my dinner alone. Had my dinner alone. Went to bed alone. Watched some tv alone. Had spoonfuls of nutella alone to make myself feel better. When my husband walked in at 1 AM, laughing and make fun of me for pretending to retire to bed early, I was mad.

Can anyone guess why? Why was I mad when I ate the food I liked, I made the food I liked, I was watching the show I liked, my daughter was sound asleep and the day was coming to a good end. Why in the world was I mad then? Because I spend half of my Sunday alone. Now please note, the issue wasn't that he spent the time with his parents. The issue is that I was spent my time alone and I can't spend time like this with my parents.

So then when given a choice of living alone with your husband and children or living with your in-laws, why would any girl prefer the latter option? If I had to spend my weekends alone, wouldn't I rather live in a house with people who I like or atleast with things that I like. Wouldn't I rather choose a weekend alone when my husband is out with his friends and I am all alone, rather than me being stuck with people I don't want to live with and him living with his family or spending time with his friends.

So when he asked me why I was cranky. I said "What were you doing until now?"

"Spending time with my parents. So?"

"So nothing. Nothing at all. You can do that because we have to live with your parents. And I was spending my sunday evening all alone, because I didn't have my parents living here."

"So should I not spend time with my parents. I hardly speak with them. So if i do speak to them for a few hours in a week what's the big deal. I did spend my full day with you today"

To which I responded

"You live with your parents. They are still your family. You spend every awake minute in their presence under the same roof. No 33 year old spends every minute talking to their mother. So the time you spend living together is as much time as is possible to spend with someone. And with regards to the "day", I spent my day with you and your friend. I didn't realise I was trading my evening time for spending my day time with you"

I am really how hard is it for men to understand how lonely it gets living in someone else's home, adjusting, not being able to speak your mind or acting like yourself or living the way you want. It's exhausting. There is only so much one can fake pretend and let go off. And I for one have very very low tolerance. To be honest, I can't stand his parents. Especially after I had my daughter.

But that's not the point of this epilogue. The point is that while it may seem that I am living with a lot of people, and while it is a well known fact that I love spending time on my own or taking some quite time off; but when you are forced to spend this time alone or are not a part of all the discussions that happen under the roof which you are suppose to call "home", then the only thing you want to do is leave. Leave as fast as you can.

"